The start, almost.

Almost, because yesterday was really the start. 30mg of Vyvanse at 7:15am or so. That was the start.

Yesterday was good. Felt good all day. Ate well. Very well, actually. No headache, no dizziness, no irritability. The insomnia hit at night, though. Trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.

Could I work? Hard to say. It wasn't a typical day. No sitting down for hours with a challenging problem in front of me. No chance to get frightened by the possibility of my own inadequacy, to get nervous enough that the slightest hint of frustration could send me scurrying to distract myself. No clump of small, important, boring tasks to avoid. No chunk of work stretching in front of me that I can't bear to even start, because my thoughts start to tangle and my stomach tighten at the prospect of having to see it through.

Today I feel the same. Good. Not tired despite last night's tossing and turning. Same dose, same time. The difference is that today I am in front of my screens. Well, that and a little less coffee. I don't really drink that much, but slowly stepping off the caffeine seemed like the best thing to do. I'll have even less tomorrow, and by Monday I'll have nothing.

Is it helping? Maybe. I haven't done anything big, but I have managed to get a whole bunch of little things done. I don't feel like I'm running away from my work. I'm not experiencing that horrible feeling of my brain hitting my task list (or even hitting the task of making a task list) and quickly and completely sliding off.

Can't say anything based on just today, even if today really is better. Could be placebo effect. Could be just a good day. Could be completely fooling myself. Time will tell.

Dammit, I hope I can sleep tonight.